Posts tagged ‘Social Anxiety’

Share Your World – 2015 Week 4


Share Your World – 2015 Week 4

Where did you live at age five?  Is it the same place or town you live now?

At age 5, I lived in Oneonta, AL. My family lived there until I was 14.

You are invited to a party that will be attended by many fascinating people you never met.  Would you attend this party if you were to go by yourself?

No. My social anxiety would not allow me to go, but if I could go with someone, I would give it a try.

Did you grow up in a small or big town? Did you like it?

I grew up in a small town and loved it. I could ride everywhere on my bicycle. Those were the days!

As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I wanted to be a veterinarian, a rock star, and a movie star. My 10th grade English teacher changed my mind to become a writer. She believed in me and encouraged me to push myself.

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

I am always grateful that my family is safe and well. There is nothing I’m really looking forward to at this time.


Weekly Word Challenge: Friendship

Weekly Word Challenge

This week the theme is ‘friendship.’ For each of us, who we consider to be a friend is different – this doesn’t necessarily mean someone that we have known for a long time, and we all look for different qualities in someone that we would consider our friends. The blogging community is based around the idea of friendship, and some of my online friends are as supportive as those in real life…


While I was going through the worst years of my social anxiety, I cut myself off from the world, some of my family, and most of my friends. I had one friend who refused to allow me to hide from her.

She came to visit with me at least once a week, and I found that I could talk to her; she understood. Of course, I had great family support from my husband, my mom, and my youngest daughter. The laughter and support helped me make it through a very rough time in my life.

I first came to know my friend about seventeen years ago. We were working together and immediately hit it off. Although she is ten years younger than me, we became best friends. We helped each other back then. She can make me laugh, like no one else. She can poke fun at me, without me getting mad about it. I love her dearly.

I have a few fellow bloggers that I consider as friends. We can chat about things and let each other know that we are there if needed. We cheer each other on when we are struggling with writing and/or life. I’m not going to call any names, but you know who you are.

My social anxiety has released it’s largest hold on me, but I still have to deal with a lot of general anxiety. I struggle with depression every day. I also have several chronic illnesses that keep me down; Chronic Kidney Disease, Diabetes I and II, Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, and Sleep Apnea.

Writing every day is my biggest helper.

NaBloPoMo – BlogHer – March 2014

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NaBloPoMo – BlogHer – March 2014

Monday, March 24, 2014
If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?


If I could change one thing about myself, I would take nine-inches off my height and be a normal 5′ 7″, or so. Even today, I am most self-conscious about my height.

All the taunts I lived with through Jr. High and High School, took away any self-confidence I had managed to build. Mostly, I just wanted to curl up under a rock and die. Children and teens can be so cruel sometimes.

As I grew into my twenties, I found that most of those cruel teenagers had grown into men that admired height in women. I gained some self-confidence back. The eternal questioning of, “How tall are you?”, was always there to remind me and bring me back down. I think my height has a lot to do with my social anxiety.

Would things be any different if I were shorter? Probably not. It would just be a different characteristic, that people would latch on to and make fun of. It might have made some difference in my self-confidence, if I had been a normal height when I was younger. That’s one of those things I will never know.

In reading back over what I have written, I find that I sound so bitter. Maybe, that is what I need to change; the bitterness that has crept upon me in my old age.

NaBloPoMo – BlogHer – March 2014

1 A BlogHer NaBloPoMo_March_2014_self

NaBloPoMo – BlogHer – March 2014

Monday, March 17, 2014
Who do you trust more: yourself or others?


Today’s prompt got me to thinking; ‘Who do I trust?’ ‘Myself’?, ‘Others?’ I used to trust easily. I believed that everyone thought like I thought. Guess what? They don’t. That was a hard lesson for me to learn. It kept banging me upside the head, time after time, until I finally caught on. Not only does everyone not think like me, some are very deceitful, evil, and twisted.

I have become bitter, in my old age, and trust very few. Do I trust myself? I’m not so sure. I did, but that was when I was such an open and trusting person. After being hoodwinked so many times, I shutdown for a long while. I was scared and didn’t trust myself not to be taken in again.

Social anxiety took over and delivered me from most situations. Being alone, so much, has given me the chance to start from the bottom and work my way back up. I’m beginning to trust myself, more and more. I may never fully trust others, again, but that’s okay, I need to retain the lesson of not being so open and trusting.

NaBloPoMo ~ January 28, 2014

1 A January 2014 BlogHer

Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Which of your responsibilities stress you out the most?


Several of my responsibilities stress me out. Anything that I don’t want to do stresses me out; being in public, people in general, riding in a car, (I haven’t driven in nearly four years), and having to talk to people, are just a few of my many stressors. I have general and social anxiety and do my best to keep them under cover.
Family fighting is another big stressor for me. I long for happiness and peace and do not do conflict very well at all. I used to fall apart completely when family conflict rose-up it’s leery head. I wanted everyone to be happy and would try to make everyone be happy, but more often than not, the tables would get turned on me and I would fall apart. Now, through several years of therapy, and I think I have the best therapist around, I have learned to step back, not get involved anymore than I have to, and aim for my happiness and peace of mind. I cannot control others and it does no one any good to have a pity party. I turn it over to the ‘powers that be’, and go along my merry, (as merry as I can make it), way.
The biggest stressor of all has to be when my husband is sick. I know I said ‘in sickness and in health’, but come on, I didn’t realize that meant even if he turned into a whiny baby. I have a wonderful husband, don’t get me wrong, but I’m sure there are some of you that can relate. When my husband gets sick, like he has been for four days now, he moans and groans constantly, and I do mean constantly. Even when I’m trying to work, he moans and groans. It is impossible to think with that going on, so I generally give-up, but then I tend to get resentful for having to spend every minute of my day sitting beside him and holding his hand, while he moans nonsense like, ‘I’m going to die,’ ‘The doctor was wrong, I’ve got something else. Take me to the emergency room’. He went to the doctor yesterday, and the doctor said he had a sinus infection and an ear infection. He gave him a shot, a prescription for an antibiotic, and a prescription strength mucinex.
I do the loving, pampering things: get his medicine’s for him and making sure he takes it at the right time, provide him with food and drink when he asks for it, and anything else I can do to make him comfortable. It’s the fact that he wants my total attention when he is sick that stresses me out the most.
On the other hand, he holds me when I fall apart, pets and pampers me in all ways, and looks after me when I’m sick, even though I don’t want anyone near me.
All in all, I guess it is the give and take that makes a good marriage.

Share Your World – Week 45

1 A Share Your World

Share Your World – 2013 Week 45

What was the most important event in your life last week?
On Saturday, Hubby and I attended a 3rd grade Basketball Game in which our middle granddaughter was playing. It was fun and I got to see my oldest daughter and three granddaughters at the same time.
After the Basketball Game was over, we decided to finish up some of our Christmas shopping. We went to the Dollar Tree and to WalMart. Why was that an important event?
1. We usually babysit our youngest grandson on Saturday mornings.
2. Having social anxiety, I rarely get out of my home, let alone go inside a store.

Who was your favorite singer or music group in high school?
KISS, Aerosmith, Fleetwood Mac

Name the foreign countries you’ve been to.
I’ve never been out of the U.S.

Does your first or middle name have any significance (or were you named after another family member)?
My maternal grandmother named me. I know my first name was taken from the Bible. I never got around to asking my grandmother where my middle name came from.

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Today Was A Good Day!

Today was a very good day for me. My mom and my youngest daughter’s step-mom, went to Rome to babysit this morning. That freed me and hubby to go watch our middle granddaughter play some 3rd grade Basketball. Her game started at 8:00 a.m. and they were playing at a school about a 30 minute drive from our home. It was raining and messy, but I still felt good.
That’s one of the few things that will get me out of my home; going to see or watch my grandchildren. I have social anxiety and do not get out much, but I’m getting better and that makes me feel better, so I’m getting out more. My friend told me that it was my youngest grandson that did it. He pulled me out of my (shell) home and got me going and it’s true. I have been out and much more active since he’s been born.
I don’t drive, for several reasons, so hubby has to drive me everywhere. Did I tell you how much I love and appreciate my hubby? He takes me to my doctor appointments and takes me to see our grandchildren. He encourages me and watches over me like a Hawk. I try to never take him for granted.
Anyway, back to my day. So, we went to watch our granddaughter play some basketball. She has previously played on a church league for 3 years. This year is her first to play on her school’s team. The girls on the other team were big girls, not taller, but they outweighed my granddaughter’s team by 20 to 30 pounds, and they were (mean) aggressive. They would reach right in and jerk the ball out of our player’s hands. They could never hang on to the ball long enough to try to shoot a goal. One of the other team’s girls would aggressively jerk the ball right out of their hands before they even got to their goal post. And the Ref’s, don’t get me started, (rolling my eyes), but they never called a foul or traveling on the other team. Our team, however, was getting a call ever time they took a step.
It was a good thing that the other team couldn’t shoot goals very well or the score would have been outrageous. The game ended with an 11 to 3 score. Our girl’s lost and my granddaughter was feeling down. It was worth going though just to see her smile light up her face when she saw we were there to watch her play. Plus, I got to see my other two granddaughters. My oldest daughter has 3 girls.
After we left the basketball game, hubby and I decided we would finish our Christmas shopping while we were out. First we stopped at the Dollar Tree. Do you have a Dollar Tree store near you? I love the Dollar Tree. Then we went to WalMart, did some grocery shopping, gave hubby some hints on what I would like for Christmas, and headed home.
Wow! Three places in one day! I set a record! My knees, hips, and lower back were hurting, but I was still feeling good. Yes, today was a good day.

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