Daily Prompt: If You Leave
by Krista on March 12, 2014
Life is a series of beginnings and endings. We leave one job to start another; we quit cities, countries, or continents for a fresh start; we leave lovers and begin new relationships. What was the last thing you contemplated leaving? What were the pros and cons? Have you made up your mind? What will you choose?
The last thing I contemplated leaving was life. After three tries, I nearly succeeded.
1. I would no longer have to work the heavily burdened rat race that was my job.
2. I would no longer have to deal with chronic diseases that left me weak and in pain.
3. I would no longer be a burden to my family.
4. I would no longer have to deal with the heartache and pain of knowing all the bad choices I had made in my life and how they had affected my family.
1. I couldn’t think of any at the time.
My mind was made up. I chose death over life. The last time I tried to commit suicide, was five years ago. I nearly succeeded that time. After spending several weeks in the psychiatric ward of a hospital, I came to realize that I was only succeeding in hurting my family more, so I promised them that I would not try again.
I resigned from my job, continued to see a psychiatrist, and a therapist, and after a couple of years, I began to feel more mentally stable. Having the support system my family gave me, I was able to take the time to really think about what my next step was going to be.
I have been taking baby steps, but now feel that I’m ready to take another big step; to actually publish some of my writings. I’m a bit nervous, since I don’t know how I’m going to take criticism and failure. Hopefully, I will lean on my support system and make it through.
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