Daily Prompt: A Source of Anxiety
by Cheri Lucas Rowlands on December 9, 2013
Write about a noise — or even a silence — that won’t go away. (We’ll let you interpret this in different ways…)
A Death That Was Not Silent
by Debra Beam Mauldin
For Dana, death was not silent. Death was a gun shot that had rung in her ears for more than forty years. Death was the sound of her mom screaming, over and over, again and again. Death was the sound of ambulance sirens and her mom screaming every time she heard one for years after. No, death was not silent.
Silence was what Dana craved. Total silence and the medications that would still all sounds in her mind. Medications that would leave her in silent bliss; no thoughts, no sounds.
Death brought a heartache that was too great for a thirteen-year-old to handle. Death brought posttraumatic stress disorder that was left untreated. No one had time for or noticed the teenage girl with symptoms of anxiety, depression, and PTSD.
Dana grew up to be a workaholic, to keep her mind too busy to think or hear the sounds. Twenty years later, the weight broke the woman she had become. So, started the cycle of medications, therapy, and visits to a psychiatrist. Instead of getting better, things got worse. Nearly another twenty years later, Dana had given up hope. So, began the suicide attempts; three attempts within five years, but Dana had a good support system now, who knew the signs and managed to catch her in time.
Today, Dana lives. She is still on medications for anxiety, depression, and PTSD; a cocktail of pills that seem to be working. She still talks with a therapist and visits a psychiatrist, but she lives.
There are days when the pain still slices as deep as the day it happened. Dana has learned to let it out on those days instead of stifling it and pushing it away.
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